The End of Friendship

The end of a friendship

I have realized that I have this terribly chronic problem. I am too nice. You would think that there is no such thing, but being too nice is a real problem...at least for me. See, when you are too nice it often leads to disappointment, hurt feelings and misunderstanding. It can actually be quite ugly. I don't know why I am too nice, but I think it has something to do with the fact that maybe people wouldn't like me if I were normal and selfish like most other people, who invariably have friends. I am freely giving of my time and money and always usually end up hurt. I learned and interesting fact on this subject from who else but Suze Orman. She says that when you are like this, people tend to develop emotional debt. That is my problem. It was like a lightbulb moment. I end up hurt and frustrated because I do for others as I would have done unto me, but no one seem to do unto me as I do unto them so I am left with an emotional debt. Darn it, it turns out that old adage is a piece of crap. What I have to learn is that thinking of myself first is not so bad and who cares if I say no? People do it all the time, right? I can be selfish too, right? Turns out, it's not that easy. It runs in my veins to be a good samaritan and help those in need, and if it were not for my husband, who I think should use the word "yes" more often, (I know crazy right?), I would be living in a cramped house with my sister and her four kids and lazy boyfriend. I can totally see where his saying no works out to my benefit, in the mean time I am left with a void where her children should be because even though the situation would be a mess, they would be happy, loved and provided for, no matter what. That is why it is so terribly hard for me to say no. I see the good in what the situation has to offer. In the meantime there would be this underlying sense of repayment on my part, which is what rips us apart. Every good deed is not rewarded with a good deed, despite my brain's working that thinks it should. Now don't get me wrong, I never give with an expectation to receive but at some point, you start realizing that giving doesn't feel very good, it feels like a doormat used for wiping dirty muddy feet on. I hate the idea of what people would think of me if I said no and turned the other cheek in a time of need. That is what I get hung up on. So in the next few months I am going to brush of my "no's" that have been tucked away in a dark corner of my mind and begin to use them. I am going to put away all those lovely rosy thoughts and remember that it probably feels better to just think and do for myself with no regard to others. Maybe I will feel better?