Regrets

When someone dies, people are affected. whether you have known them for a month or for thirty years. Its hard to grasp the concept of death. When someone close to us dies unexpectedly, there are a multitude of questions that you think of. "Why couldn't he have waited 15 more minute before getting on his motorcycle drunk? I was on my way to get him so he would be safe. If I had just driven faster or been there sooner, this would have never happened." we can blame ourselves, in part, because we think there was something we could do for that person, but the truth is, you can only do so much. we are born free in this world and that freedom comes with choices. He made that choice, at that moment to leave, drunk. His life was ended 30 seconds after he left the bar. This should put the situation into perspective for that one who was on her way, for she drives drunk all the time, risking her life and the life of everyone who is on the road at the same time, that the choice she makes when she gets into that car can have serious consequences no matter how sober she thinks she is. I feel for her, she is torn up about his young life lost, the promises for a future, gone, and the safety of his presence missing.
I think of all those people that are in my life now, and try to put into perspective how I would feel if I got the news that they had died suddenly, unexpectedly. There are those that would be devastating. The loss of my children, for example. There are others I would feel peace for, because this life seemed unjust, unfair and difficult. I know that my relationship with some of these people are strained, but if they died, I would harbor no regret. Why? Because despite the pain left in their wake while they were alive, there is an unspoken agreement that there is love, and always will be love no matter what. Those with whom my relationship was non-existent, as I grew into my adulthood, I will feel no regret, for I was a child and they were the adults, and I did my part to love them, but the love on their end was conditional. For them, I say that I will remember the good times, but will not regret where our lives had taken us or torn us apart. I will not regret the words that I have spoken, because no matter how painful or hurtful they may have been at the time, I meant them, I didn't say them out of hurt, or out of anger. I will not regret for those whom I tried to make a meaningful relationship with.
Our lives are not about the "what if"'s or maybe I should have been better. I think our lives are about making the most out of what we have, nurturing those that are close to us, being able to say the things we mean, but knowing that despite how bad those things hurt, that we are loved and that we love unconditionally. Why should we thrive on the death of someone only remembering what we should have or could have done differently?