The Naked Man

I have this great friend Cathy who I would chit chat with every morning over coffee and juice while David was away at Warrant Officer Candidate School. I generally take ninth street, but to save me time, I started to take 7th street. To my surprise, and yes, even during these chilly winter months, there is a man who sits out in front of his garage naked. The chilliness does not help his cause either. Now don't get me wrong, the man has a mean tan, but what happened to modesty? He is usually sitting down in a geri-chair looking thing, and every time I pass by he moves his legs as to hide his "goodies" which is in my best interest, since it would probably scare me. He is an elderly man, which makes this whole situation worse. I have seen him standing up once, sporting...GASP! a speedo...eww....nasty visuals all over again! So the other day as I was on my trek home from said friends house, he was out front again, and I dreaded it. It turns out he was dressed, which is weird, since I didn't think this man owned a pair of socks let a lone a whole set of clothes! When he saw my car approaching he began walking down to the end of his driveway. He was at the edge when I drove by, and I completely avoided him. When I could see him in my side and rear view mirror, I noticed that he was still watching my car and walking back up to the top of his driveway. So the moral of this story...don't drive by said naked mans house, since by the time I got home I was sporting a flat tire, from a nail, which I am sure was his way of formally greeting me with a proverbial F-off! I know it was him...I am watching you naked man...and I believe there are laws against doing what you are doing! Lets not forget the CANCER you are setting yourself up for. But one thing is for sure...you probably don't have osteoporosis and you probably have lots of calcium since vitamin D from the sun helps in its absorption. I can't say that any of this is helping your "goodies", I've seen it. I know.